Hell Running

Where to start?

Chris Smith (Wrecsam Tri Club official head of dirty tricks department) is going to regret his fibs, “we need another member for our relay team he said” Lie No.1, it wasn’t a team member he wanted it was a mug with fell running shoes! (I only own fell running shoes to protect my ankles from twisting on pebbles I didn’t really want to use them).

From the left Paul, Andy, Julian, Bev, Iori, Tony, Kim, & Claire
Me far right smiling before I knew what was coming!
At the Bottom Chris (Judis) and Bill

“It will be easy, shortest route and only a few little hills” Lie No.2

I enjoyed the first 300 yds and then the truth hit me like a cliff in the face “It was a cliff”!!! He has no shame, he really did set me up for this inhuman torture.

I was genuinely confused enough to ask the first marshal at the top of the first

(little hill) in between shoving my lungs back into my mouth “I think there has been a mistake, are you sure this is the first leg – and how the @*%@ hell did you get up here?

Eventually topping out on the first ‘Hill’ I thought “Oh good I can run now” Nooo that wasn’t actually possible, it was more of a shambling flopping of one irreversibly damaged limb in front of another.

Being a serial bone breaker in my feet when I have previously run off road, I was particularly careful while ‘falling’ down hill and missed what I was reliably informed was a spectacular view (who cares I’m dying here).

We then made our way up a gently slopping gully with a babbling brook, did I say babbling? Half way up I discovered what ‘UP’ really meant. This was when I started to sob, this can’t be right!! it wasn’t just UP it was UP and UP and UP now end to bloody Ups!... and at a ridiculous angle, lizards and limpets would have been scared of falling off. Seriously that was nothing short of painful. A word for ‘Cow Bell Man” I will never be able to watch Ski Sunday downhill races now without a shudder. That sound is engraved on my now shrivelled once athletic sole.

I know what’s going on, there has been a mass break out from a local asylum and this is their crazy idea of an escape route. It’s a good plan because the authorities would never believe that anybody would possibly attempt this ‘Hill-Less route!’.

I’m 53 years old in reasonable health with an above average fitness level, as usual this morning as is my want I launched myself at my 2 flights of office stairs to take them 3 steps at a time. Only to realise to late that launch had transformed into limp and my face had become my breaking mechanism.

Earlier this year I entered the Tuff Nuts race on the Wirral 11 miles carrying a fence post through mud, water, hills and marsh with may I add Julian as a team mate. That should be renamed ‘Gentle stroll with toothpick’ what I did yesterday at Church Stretton was beyond tuff!

I started with ‘Where to start?’ well I can tell you it won’t be a fell race in any way shape or form again. This was my first and my last fell race.

Jayson is my hero from now on I will follow his style of exercise regime, “if it hurts don’t do it”

6km in 58 minutes is not right.

I also won’t forget Julian Hunter Wrecsam Tri club founder member, who was complicit in Chris’ lies.

Dave Savage (retired fell crawler)